I’ve written before that in any interaction between two or more people, someone will always set the frame, and the stronger magnetism will prevail. We call this the magnetic duel. You can read more about it here.

What you need to keep in mind is that it’s not about winning.

It’s perfectly fine to allow someone else to set the frame of the interaction, to control it, and win the duel.

Our goal is not to be little dictators in our lives, controlling everything and everyone around us. Certainly, we don’t want to be weak, but we also don’t want to be dictators.

It is as necessary to learn to have power as it is to let go of it.

This can be seen in the magnetic duel in any interaction of your life.

If you are always losing this magnetic duel—in other words, if someone else is always controlling the interactions you are part of—maybe you need to increase and use your level of magnetism. Additionally, you should understand why you are seeking to be in a position of low power and address your issues with using power.

If you are always winning this magnetic duel — in other words, if you are always controlling the interactions you are part of — maybe you need to learn how to let go of this need to control everything.

The difference between a magnetic person and a non-magnetic person is not about whether you are setting the frame of the interaction or winning the duel.

Instead, it’s about actively and consciously choosing what you want to do. You aren’t controlling the interaction and winning the magnetic duel because you are afraid or contracted, but because you choose to.

This is radically different from being weak or a “loser.”

Of course, you need to be very honest with yourself since it’s quite easy to fool yourself into thinking that you are choosing something when, in reality, you are simply afraid.

But the key is always one of conscious choice.