Most people who struggle with being their true selves just want to be able to say what is true, in a way that is genuine, without either bulldozing others or disappearing entirely.

The problem is that they may have learned to operate at one extreme or the other.

On one side, there is the person who says everything they think, bluntly and without filter, and leaves a trail of damaged relationships behind.

On the other side, there is the person who holds everything back to keep the peace, and ends up feeling unseen, resentful, and disconnected.

Neither of these is the answer… and making a rule out of either one guarantees you will get it wrong a significant portion of the time.

Think of a simple situation: a friend says something that is genuinely out of line, and you know it. The person who always speaks their mind without filter calls it out immediately, bluntly, in front of others, and the friendship takes a hit that didn’t need to happen. The person who always holds back says nothing, smiles, and goes home feeling resentful and less respected.

Both responded from habit rather than from their true Will. One said it because they couldn’t not say it. The other stayed silent because they couldn’t bring themselves to say it.

Neither actually chose. There was no freedom and no genuine Will in that reply.

The middle ground is where real human relating actually happens. And it is harder to live in than either extreme, because it requires a connection to your energy and Will rather than a fixed policy.

Sometimes you say the difficult thing and sometimes you do not. What determines which is right in a given moment is not a formula but, instead, it is your honest sense of what is actually called for, which means you need access to your own energy, not just your thoughts about the situation.

This is where the energetic dimension of your Will becomes important. Every time you hold something back, there is an energetic reason behind it. Sometimes that reason is genuine: you chose not to say it, you retained your power in that choice, and your energy reflects that.

Other times you held back because something in you couldn’t go there, because a block, a fear, or a defense mechanism stopped you before you could.

These two experiences feel different from the inside, and your energy will tell you which one it was if you are willing to listen.

The work is not to intellectually analyze your behavior after the fact and find rational explanations for it.

The work is to go inside, feel what was actually happening energetically in that moment, and understand what it was that stopped you or drove you. That kind of honest internal inquiry, what you might call an “energetic autopsy”, is what gradually clears the patterns that have been running your self-expression without your awareness.

Your energy does not lie… the question is whether you are listening to it.